Life Goes On

...

So that was it. I finished off the season's craft fairs that I had already booked and had a big "sell-off" of stock I didn't care about and materials I knew I would never use. And by Christmas of 2007 I was closed for business.

What next? Well, having a teenage daughter busy with her own life, being a 24-7 stay at home mum wasn't going to work for me. I knew I wouldn't be sewing as often when I wasn't under the gun to make stock for craft fairs and such. I wanted to ENJOY sewing, not feel obligated to do it. And besides, if I was going to do any sewing at all and not have my business to pay for supplies I had to find some money somewhere.

So I got my first job outside of the home in, oh, about 17 years. I have now been working as a part time library clerk for just over a year. I work 2 days a week putting away books. You'd think it was a boring job but I love it! For anyone who loves books to start with it's a dream. And being somewhat of an organizational freak it's kind of nice to work in a job that revolves around organization and structure. And to get PAID for it! What a novel idea!

Once I started working it was quite a change for me. Although running a small home based business kept me busy enough over the years it didn't prepare me for working OUTSIDE of the home. I kept sewing, for a while. And then I went to start my next mermaid project. Mermaids, my favourite. But it didn't work. Instead of enjoying it I felt that familiar obligated feeling. I didn't like it. I plodded along for a few weeks trying to pretend that I really wanted to be in my sewing room until one day I had a meltdown. I went to my husband and said, "What's wrong with me? I am a fabric artist! I am supposed to WANT to do this!" I felt that I was losing myself and my identity. Who was I anymore? I had been the sewing girl, the crafter, the fabric artist, the teeny tiny home based business owner for years and years. I felt like I had purpose.

How could I have purpose as a part time library clerk?

But I had to be honest with myself. I was enjoying my job. I was enjoying the feeling of being needed there. I was enjoying the appreciation from my co-workers and supervisor for a job well done. I was enjoying bringing home a paycheck.

And so I decided to take myself off the hook. Me and my sewing machine needed some time apart. I needed a sabbatical from my sewing room. And that's what I did. That spring I cleaned up all the fabric, covered the sewing machine and left the room. I felt guilty about it. But I decided that I'd rather deal with the guilt than pretend to enjoy sewing and therefore creating pieces with no pride or joy. I was scared too. Scared that once I left I would never go back.

But the guilt eventually faded. I enjoyed the summer. Going on vacation with my family. Sitting on the deck reading a book in the sun on my days off. Doing things I put aside for years that I didn't have time to do before. Some gardening. Shopping. Sometimes just doing nothing.

During this time my husband had found a hobby for himself. He had begun a shore posting which meant he wasn't away on trips with the navy that could get in the way. In fact I was the one who directed him to this hobby. We were at military family days event and I noticed a group doing a demonstration of what I would lovingly come to call "man bashing". It was, in fact, a group of guys dressed up in armour performing medieval re-creation fighting. If you've ever heard of the Society for Creative Anachronism you'll know what I'm talking about. In any case, I suggested that he might enjoy this passtime and get some exercise while doing it. So he joined.

And then I discovered that for him to be part of the group he needed proper fight attire. And one piece of attire he needed was something called a gambeson...a padded jacket of sorts. Quilted, actually. He could purchase an expensive one online or...he knew someone in the group who had a pattern for one. And who did he know who had a sewing machine and knew how to put together a pattern? Why ME of course!

So there I was, forced back into the sewing room, kicking and screaming to make this gambeson as a favour to my husband. My FAVOURITE kind of sewing...obligation, patterns. Ugh. And kick and scream I did. In fact, I was almost driven to tears at times with this thing because, quite frankly, the pattern was NOT that easy to follow! And although it was all done on the sewing machine there was the endless quilting of all the pieces. What a nightmare. Having to perform this feat of frustration was certainly NOT what was going to get me back into the spirit of creating pieces of fabric art!

But I have to admit it. Through all the gnarling of teeth and grunts and sighs...just simply running something through the sewing machine gave me a bit of a thrill at moments. That feeling of familiarity. An old friend.

And once I was finished with that little project it started to come back. I wanted to go to the fabric store. I had the itch. And there was a project waiting for me.

Before I had turned my back on my sewing room I had already paid my dues to the groups I belonged to. One of those groups was a local artists group. I had only just joined it before closing my business, joining it thinking it would be a resource for show opportunities. In one of the recent newsletters there was a "call for submissions" for its annual show of all the group's members. It would be a show held at a local Aviation museum to celebrate 100 years of manned flight in the British Commonwealth. The theme of the show would be "Flight"...whatever that would mean to us.

It was a challenge. I love challenge. And I loved the idea of having freedom to do whatever I wanted with the theme.

I decided that I wanted to capture the feeling of awe from seeing an airplane in the sky for the very first time without actually showing an airplane. And the result was what I consider to be one of my best, (if not my best) creations ever. 3 faces looking up into the sky. Captured somewhat with fabric but mostly with thread, using a free motion stitch for anyone who knows their way around a sewing machine.

A Photo of "Awe":

And making it was wonderful! I finally had that feeling of exhilaration back! That feeling of accomplishment. Of creativity.

So this piece would be on display at this local art show. My first real art show. Not a quilt show, but an art show. Next to other paintings and photographs. Advertised as an art show. With real invitations for the opening! SO exciting!

So I guess I'm back. And with this new beginning I made a promise to myself never to make anything I didn't feel like doing at the time. If this is the last piece I ever make, so be it. If I never get to have my mermaid show that's okay too. As long as I'm getting joy out of it.

But I found out that I would sew more. I would continue in my sewing room. And you'll never guess what I chose to make next.

And The Story Continues...

And the story continues...

Okay, so the day finally came when I left home. And what was one of the first things I thought necessary to purchase out of all the necessities you would think to be a priority when first setting up your own place? Why, a sewing machine of course! At this point, you are probably wondering why just as much as I am. Well, the sewing machine was always a staple at Mum's house and she sewed a LOT, so I guess I thought that everyone owned one. Besides, when I left the nest it was as the wife of a Canadian navy man. Maybe the sewing machine was just one little reminder of home since I've never lived close to home since.

So I continued along my path of sewing clothes for myself for quite some time. And when I had my own daughter, well, I was determined to be just like my Mum and sew the majority of her clothing. I have to admit I made a lot of pretty dresses. But being at home with a small child as a navy wife meant that I was alone a lot of the time. Once I ran through the making of clothes for us you'll not believe it but I made clothes for an older sister who lived in the same area. And then came the Christmas presents. Yes, I went through the making of cute little nightgowns for all my little nieces and other crafty things for the nephews. And the crafty things for the relatives.

Then one day my sister and I went for tea at a local tea/craft shop. There we saw cute little dresses for sale, pretty much like the ones I had been making for my own daughter. We looked at each other and my sister said to me, "You could do that." Yes, I could do that. So I did. And this was the beginning of my foray into making crafts to sell. It started with consignment and progressed to craft fairs. I made cute crafty things to sell. Lots of cute crafty things. And during that time I realized that I enjoyed creating my own stuff. And I came to hate working with clothing patterns because they were too limiting. And I certainly came to hate making clothes for other people as a favour. To this day if my poor daughter or husband need something hemmed that item of clothing may sit on my sewing table for a VERY long time. And don't even TALK to me about buttons!

Here's a photo of me at one of my craft fairs during my "cute" period:

After years of making clothes and cute crafts you can imagine what my fabric scrap bag might look like. Well, it was more of a closet. I suppose I have to thank myself for all those years because these scraps of fabric became my very first item of what I would consider fabric art. I took these scraps and I went at them with a pair of pinking shears. And the result?

A mermaid.

Yes, my first piece of fabric art using my most beloved image was a mermaid wall hanging. Those fabric scraps turned into the scales of the mermaid, each scale cut individually using pinking shears and then sewn in row upon row of scales to make the tail of the mermaid. I sold this mermaid on e-bay. I kind of wish now that I had kept her but oh well...I've made lots since. In fact, I'd love to have my own art show of just mermaids of different themes. I even have a few ready in the closet just in case. There is "Margarita Mermaid"...a flamboyant looking thing on a tropical beach somewhere holding a margarita with a huge smile on her face. There is "Flamenco Mermaid" with red taffeta and black lace for her scales. There is even "Wonder Mermaid"...with big gold stars for her breasts. I love her. She gives me strength. And there have been others. I have made quite a few "Breast Cancer Survivor Mermaid" wall hangings...and there's a long convoluted and beautiful story that goes along with one of them. Maybe I'll tell you about it some day soon.

Here is a photo of one of my "Breast Cancer Survivor Mermaid" wall hangings:

So this was the beginning of me becoming a fabric artist. A fibre artist. A textile artist. Whatever you call it. A lot of people would call me a quilter because my pieces of art are considered "wall quilts". And I actually do belong to a quilting group...mainly because they have quilt shows every year and I thought it would be a great way to show my art to people who would really appreciate the work. But I don't quilt. If you ask me to make a "log cabin" quilt for you I would look at you like you have two heads. I don't quilt. I experiment. And creating wall hanging art has been the ultimate in experimentation for me. Absolutely NO rules whatsoever!

So, once I decided I was a fibre artist the items I made for my regular craft fairs changed. I just knew everyone would love them. But I would be sorely disappointed. I never really sold enough of it to make it work. The items I DID sell were, well, cute. CUTE! I hate that word!!!! And I finally realized one day a couple of years ago that this is what people who attended craft fairs wanted. They wanted cute (and cheap). Now don't get me wrong, everyone marvelled over my work. They thought it was beautiful and original. I got a lot of "wows". However, the only things I could get people to buy were the cheaper reproduction cards with the pictures of my wall hangings on them and anything that looked cute. I was frustrated. And then one day, a couple of days before the debut of the largest craft fair I had ever attended, I was sitting at my sewing machine, making the umpteenth potholder of my sewing career. It suddenly dawned on me. I was hating it. I was hating doing something that I had come to love. I stopped. I turned off the sewing machine and stomped into the livng room and announced to my husband that this was it. I was done. No more. I would not make one more potholder to sell at a craft fair. I would not finish the potholder in the machine. In fact, this craft fair would be my last.

A photo of me during an open house at my home during my last craft fair season:


And I was true to my word. I think I was lucky. I could have gone on with this for many more years, beating my head against the sewing machine. Making only enough money to buy supplies to make even more assembly line cute things for people who thought my art was beautiful but liked the potholders instead. But I finally realized that what was important to me was the enjoyment I recieved from sewing and making art. I did not have to make money while doing it to validate that.

...to be continued.

My First Blog Post Ever!

So here I am...my first blog post ever!

This is kind of exciting for me because when it comes to journalling I have lots of experience. I used to write in diaries as a kid for years. It was an addiction. Although I never wrote anything particularly special I gained a lot of pleasure from the experience of just writing my thoughts and such down on paper. Of course, I "grew out of it" eventually and haven't had a diary for quite some years. Life gets busy I guess.

So why a blog and why now? Well, a blog seems like the new way of journalling for lots of people. I know, it's been around for a while, but it takes me time to digest stuff like this okay? In any case, I think I would enjoy the feeling of journalling again, even if it's merely virtual. And who knows...maybe someone else will enjoy it too.

So why am I calling it "Barefoot Sewing and Other Adventures"?

I will explain the "Other Adventures" first. The "Other Adventures" is there simply so I can write about whatever I want in case I happen to write about something other than "Barefoot Sewing".

But "Barefoot Sewing" is my real intention.

So what IS "Barefoot Sewing"?

"Barefoot Sewing" is sewing with no rules.

I grew up taking homec classes like all the other girls as well as learning a few things from my mother, who used to sew most of mine and my twin sister's clothing since, being twins, it was cheaper that way. Because of my upbringing in the sewing world, I grew to hate it. Why? The rules of course! My mother taught me to "tack" things together before actually sewing them. This meant having to hand sew a seam before getting to sew it for real on the sewing machine. And then of course there was the hand sewing of virtually ALL hems...because it would have been "uncouth" (my Mum's term) to have a hem show the stitching. So, more hand sewing. All this hand sewing took the fun out of the precious little time I seemed to get to spend on the sewing machine itself. And then there were the patterns. Yes, I'll admit they're a good way to start, but quite honestly, even MORE rules I wanted to break! So, yes, my mother finished a LOT of homec projects for me during my youth.

So how, you might ask, did I EVER continue to sew? Well, I guess I liked to experiment. I was a bit of a brown noser, so if I was going to experiment, it wasn't going to be with drugs or alcohol. Basically I waited until my mother was away during the summers at her vacation cottage and that was when I opened up her machine and tried some things out for myself. I didn't even know how to thread the damn thing...I had to follow her thread from previous projects through the holes to make sure I threaded it properly. But once I got the hang of it I was okay. And so my real education in sewing began.

No, I didn't try anything that you would think was too exciting at the beginning but for me, it was crossing the line into unknown territory! I sewed seams WITHOUT tacking them first! And guess what? It worked!

And during my first few years of sewing on the sly, I managed to make myself a few things...shorts, tops, a skirt or two. I even figured out how to sew together a collar...this was my first experience in discarding the pattern. I simply took a shirt out of my own closet and studied it's construction and figured out how to do the collar from that instead. Much better than the pattern!

But no...I have just recalled one other experience, an even earlier one that didn't involve a pattern at all! I think I was about 7 years old. I don't know what the heck I was thinking but I decided to make myself a vest...kind of an Indian beaded thing of some sort if I remember correctly. I actually cut this thing out of some of my mother's fabric scraps and "sewed" it together by hand all by myself. I was rather proud of it and actually intended on wearing it to school the next week. I never did wear it...my mother must have intervened before that actually happened. Hmm. I guess I was experimenting rather early in life. Good thing I was a brown noser.

Well, that's the beginning, folks. I would go on and continue the story but I'll leave some for next time.

A cliff hanger of sorts.

Hope to see you soon!